She
by DCFanatic4life
Summary: Chris Jericho and Stephanie McMahon's lives move in two separate directions, but it's hard for them to let go...


Disclaimer: The characters and real people do not belong to me, they belong to Vince McMahon and themselves. This is based around the song "She" by Elvis Costello.

**To read the original version with song lyrics (and I REALLY recommend that you do because this story is all about the song)go to: bitter-solemnity. com /fics /Onepart /She.php (just get rid of the spaces).**

As always, be brutal if you want. :)

Parts in italics are flashbacks...

* * *

Chris looked at Stephanie across the room. She was still so beautiful. Her face was etched forever in his memory, ingrained for all eternity. That smile that she wore, it was fake. Everything about her now, it was fake. And it pained him to look back. She wasn't the Stephanie that he had loved, cared about, protected once upon a time. 

She had decided to change, become something that she wasn't. He used to look at her, and know exactly what she was thinking, feeling, doing, but now, now she kept that all inside, and it hurt to think that she kept herself hidden. It hurt to think she was hiding from him.

She stood there in her business suits, pretending that she was in charge, that she had complete control over all aspects of the show and her life. But Chris knew better. Chris had always known better when it came to Stephanie. She was burying herself into some sort of shell, and he'd give anything to get her out of it.

A long, long time ago, she had been so carefree. She wore the most outrageous outfits. Chris could remember asking her if she was seriously going out in the outfits she would deck herself out in. And the answer was always yes. Stephanie was fearless, not caring what the world thought of her. He'd always loved that.

And he had loved her like that. Had loved seeing her in hot pinks and sequined outfits. It was her, they suited her. She was the only person he knew that could pull off her look, and it just made him respect and love her more. Of course, they couldn't tell anyone about the two of them, but they had known, and it that was all that mattered to them.

But he had screwed that up royally. He was the one that had to end it, had not wanted to end it. But then it had come along and he was suddenly without her. It wasn't even until she had made her presence known again by coming back in the storylines as the General Manager. He wanted to blame the booking team for separating them, putting them on different shows, but he knew it was ultimately he who had screwed up anything they had together. He'd forever damn himself for that.

He'd see her, and she always seemed different, adapting to whatever mood suit the current situation. Except one emotion that never seemed to come. She never seemed happy. That was his fault too. Just like every bad thing that happened to them was his fault. If he hadn't been so incredibly stupid, if he hadn't given in to that other woman that one time, in a fit of pity, he'd have her still. He was a royal screw-up

She tried to hide her emotions, she tried to be happy around everyone, she tried to play the part of anxious bride-to-be. But he knew that she didn't want that, that she had only given in to Paul because of him. If he could take back that one mistake, he would, he would take it back a thousand times over.

He remembered when he told her that they had to break up, that he had to leave her, that he had done something he couldn't take back. Every emotion played across her face, until the final one, agony. He couldn't take it anymore, that face, it haunted him day and night. He saw it in his dreams and knew that he was powerless to stop it.

_"I'm so sorry Stephy, I didn't mean to, but she's my...well, you know, I had to, she had been pressing me," he trailed off. _

"I understand perfectly Chris, I understand that you did something and now you can't possibly take it back. I understand that you were too much of a fucking coward to do the right thing at the right time, for me, for us! And now look at you, doing the right, the noble thing for her! HER!" Stephanie screamed, "I hate you Chris Irvine, I hate you so much, I gave you everything I had, and for what, a bunch of utter bullshit!"

"Steph, I'm so sorry," he said, truly apologetic.

"Oh, that'll make everything better, sure Chris, go ahead, go back to her, forget you even knew me," she said, tears trailing down her eyes, "Forget we every happened."

Chris shuddered as he saw the dead emotions in her eyes.

He was surprised that he wasn't jobbing on Heat by now. Stephanie had a temper and she wasn't afraid to use it. And he knew he deserved it, he knew he deserved all the punishment she could probably dish out. Paul, well, he was her favorite now, having not done what he did. He got long title reigns, not having to job to anyone. He could've had that, if he hadn't done what he had done. But that wasn't what he really wanted, he just wanted her.

He saw them together and they seemed, much to his chagrin, happy. She looked like she wanted him and that hurt a lot. They were getting married and he was losing her forever. But hadn't he already lost her? She had said not long ago that she wasn't ready to get married. It was in an interview somewhere, and it had been mainly for his benefit, letting him know that she was waiting for him. Then he had gone and done that one stupid thing and a month after it happened, almost to the freaking day, she had gotten engaged to Paul. He had hurt her and she, in turn, had hurt him right back. Except he deserved it.

_He grabbed her arm and turned her to face him. Her eyes were cold and looked through him. He implored her with his eyes, but she simply turned away, uncomfortable by the longing gaze he was giving her. She didn't want to look in those eyes again, ever again. All they brought her was pain. _

"Steph, why are you doing this?"

"Do what?" she asked innocently, though he knew she knew exactly what he was talking about.

"You're engaged!" he hissed loudly.

She gave him a dirty look, "I don't see why that's any of your concern."

"You said yourself you were nowhere near marriage."

"Maybe I lied, maybe I settled for the person who really wanted me, instead of waiting for someone who didn't," she said, staring him down.

He looked down, unable to stay looking at her. Every time he did, he saw nothing but that hurt look in her eyes, seeing the tears that shone in them whenever she thought of why he had to leave her. He looked around the room, trying not settle his gaze on her.

"You can't marry him," he said quietly.

"Why not?"

"Because--I love you," he said, his eyes piercing her soul.

"No you don't," she said, shaking her head, her lip trembling, "No you don't!"

"I do."

"You lie! And I can marry whoever I damn well please. You have her, so go home to her! Get away from me, and stay away from me Chris!"

She pulled away and raced down the hallway and all he could do was stare at her back as she left. He stood there, not realizing he had his own tears in his eyes. Her words stung, mainly because they were true. He had that other woman, and not only that but, well, he'd rather not think of his mistake now. He turned on his heel and walked away slowly, knowing that would probably be the last time he'd talk to her in a great long while.

He lay there, staring up at the ceiling as _she_ talked to him. He didn't want to hear it. Any other guy and they may have been happy, ecstatic even. But not him, every day, every time he thought about it, it just brought Stephanie back to his mind. Every day was like torture, every time he saw her, thought about her, remembered something they shared it was like his world crashing down on him once again.

She haunted his dreams, every damn night, he closed his eyes, hoping to be taken away from here, to have a dreamless night where he didn't see her shining face, see her smile. He never saw that smile anymore except in his dreams. Stephanie didn't smile, at least not to him. So he remembered in his dreams and nowhere else, he tried to get over her, but how do you get over someone who had your heart?

The last few weeks his dreams had plagued him. He saw them in an open field, the rain pouring down, and they were running, she was out in front of him. She turned around, her sundress soaked, almost becoming a second skin. Her hair fell around her face, sticking to it. She grinned at him, spinning around, collecting rain drops on her tongue. He ran over to her and picked her up, spinning her around. She would lean up and kiss him, and they would fall in the grass together. It always ended the same way, with the sound of _her_ throwing up into the toilet.

He looked at her from across the room. It had almost been a month and a half since they had last talked. She was sitting there, eating with Paul and discussing something. She had a magazine and she slid it over to him, pointing to something. He laughed and looked up at her. Chris saw her eyes shining, the laughter coming from her reaching all the way up to her eyes. He would give anything to be Paul right now, hell, he'd give anything to just be able to talk to her without her hating him.

Stephanie looked up, and looked around, seeming as if she knew she were being watched. Her eyes fell on Chris and that happy look disappeared from her eyes, being replaced with a cold look. He looked down, not being able to look at her anymore. When he looked back up she was back to smiling at Paul. God, she was phony. Nothing about her was real, she wasn't the person she projected herself to be.

She hid herself more and more every day, falling into her job. Head of the creative department, such an important job. She had told him, once long ago, that she wanted to make her father proud and to show that someday she would be a great owner of the company and follow proudly in her father's footsteps. She had also told him that he would be by her side, running the company beside her, and they would usher in a great era to the company. So much for that idea.

He passed by her, in the hallway. _She_ was with him tonight and he had wanted to avoid any kind of confrontation. They had been walking down the hallway, and once again _she_ was talking about some asinine topic and showing off _her_ condition to everyone else, and then there Stephanie was, walking down the hallway. Chris could tell this wasn't going to be an ideal situation.

Stephanie simply walked by them, not even looking in their direction. He had seen her wince though, when she first turned the corner. He felt his heart split in two when he saw that almost invisible display of emotion. He had almost come to believe that she felt nothing for him anymore, but that one little thing told him he was completely wrong. She was still hurt by everything.

He looked back at her, as she was walking away. She had turned to look at them, her eyes clouded with something that looked to be pain. He looked at her sadly, but she turned away as fast as she had looked into his eyes. He wanted desperately to follow her, but _she_ was tugging on his arm, dragging him off somewhere.

He finally managed to get away from her and went off in search of Stephanie. He looked everywhere, but nobody had seen her. He started to worry about her, what she could be doing. He walked down to her office and knocked tentatively.

"What is it?" she called out and he could tell there were tears clogging her voice.

"Steph, can I come in?" he asked, wanting nothing more than to comfort her.

"What do you want?" she asked testily.

He opened the door, ignoring her words. It was just as he pictured. She was sitting at her desk, a tissue box on her desk and several discard tissues littering the floor. She looked down, embarrassed that he should find her in such a condition. He closed the door behind him, making sure to lock it so they weren't interrupted. She was still looking down as he made his way over to her.

He knelt down beside her chair and rested both his forearms on the side and just stared at her. Her usually immaculate hair was draped around her face, creating a shroud, not letting him in. He closed his own eyes, hating to see her like this, then rested his forehead on his arms. They stayed like that, in silence, neither one speaking, for fear that what they were really feeling would be let out. It was much easier to just leave things be, to pretend like nothing was wrong.

"You shouldn't have come here," she finally said, having regained her composure.

"I had to make sure you were alright."

"I'm fine, there was never anything wrong with me in the first place," she said, bottling up every feeling she had, letting the numbness take her over.

Chris was tired of this little game, tired of her pretending to be ok to everyone's face, but crying behind closed doors. He spun her chair to face him and locked his hands on both of the armrest of the sleek leather desk chair. Stephanie was about to push him away from her chair when he leaned up and gave her a heart-stopping kiss. She didn't pull away, didn't dare move a muscle because this was what she wanted. This is what she craved and he knew it. He took everything from her, kissed the life out of her. When it was over, and he pulled away, he saw her cheeks were flushed and her eyes held that same twinkle they used to.

A moment later, it was gone again, as the real situation crashed down on her, like a piano being dropped on her head, "You have to leave."

"Stephanie," he started, needing her, wanting her. He couldn't leave her now.

"You have to go, _she's_ here, and _she's_ probably waiting for you and you don't want to keep _her_ waiting," Stephanie said, turning her chair back to her desk and looking over more paperwork.

"So you're just going to leave things like this?" he asked, "You're just going to kiss me and then forget it ever happened."

"Do I have any other choice?" she told him, not bothering to look over at him.

She needn't say anymore than that. She was right, of course, they had no other choice but to forget they ever had anything. It wasn't like anyone knew about it in the first place. They had kept it so under wraps, they had to, both of them being committed to other people. He nodded his head, understanding her need to have him leave and got up to silently walk out of her office, leaving her to her tears, knowing he could no longer be the one to keep them away, he'd just be the one to bring them.

It was months later and they were still not speaking to each other, not since that day in the office when he had kissed her with reckless abandon. They had both went about their business, both preparing for bigger and better things, or so they each thought. Every plan the two of them made pushed them further and further apart. Until one day, they had nothing in common anymore, nothing to even discuss if they were locked in a room together. They had drifted so far apart, they didn't even make eye contact in the hallways. For all intents and purposes, they were mere strangers.

He had to go ask her for time off today, a week at the most, maybe two, he didn't know. Vince wasn't there that evening, and she was the only McMahon in the building, so it was go to her or nothing. He knocked on her door, reminiscing about when he had knocked the last time. This time the answer from the other side was much different.

"Come in," came her bubbly, joyful voice.

He walked in and instantly wished to walk right back out again. She was standing there, in a wedding gown, a designer and a seamstress standing in front of her. She took his breath away, literally, and he stood there, wondering why he had to endure this kind of torture. It was worse when she turned to see him and her eyes widened before returning to normal.

"Chris, what are you doing here?" she said, her tone normal, no feeling or anything behind it. It just was, kind of like their relationship, it just was.

"I needed to ask for time off," he explained, expecting to see a pang of anger, or sadness, or jealousy in her face, but there was none.

"Oh, of course," she answered, "I'm sure you'd kill yourself if you missed one moment of the blessed event."

"Yeah," he said, trying to smile, act happy he told himself. It wouldn't look too good if he had no emotion in his face, while she was obviously ecstatic about her future.

"You can have a week or two off, just call the offices when you want to come back," she said, "Just don't stay away too long."

"Thanks," he paused, taking her in, her gown flowing off the pedestal she was standing on. He dress was off-the-shoulder and fit her perfectly. The bodice was tight, but not too tight. It looked like she had been sewn into the dress; there wasn't an imperfection in sight.

"Is there anything else you wanted?" she asked, looking at him briefly.

"You look beautiful," he said quietly.

She turned to him and gave him a small, wistful smile, "Thank you, that means a lot coming from you."

"You're welcome," he said, smiling back.

He got up and left then, knowing she wanted to get back to her fitting. In that moment though, he knew that wherever life took them, they would've shared something. He could look back on his old age, and he'd have regrets when it came to her, many when he thought about it long and hard, but he had her. He had her once and that would keep him warm in the cold nights, it would keep his soul content when he felt low. He looked at her once more, knowing that wherever they would end up, he at least had one moment with her. And that was enough for him.

The day grew closer and his ache for Stephanie started to fade, slowly, but surely. That break in his heart started to heal as he thought of what he would be gaining by leaving Stephanie. He could be happy with the path he chose, the path he got pushed down. He wouldn't forget Stephanie, ever, but he could go on and be happy with what he had.

What was the point in pining away for her? It wouldn't solve anything and he wouldn't feel better by doing it. She would just be one of a long line of exes, someone he looked back on with a smile. She would always be a part of his heart, but now, now something new was on its way to claim her spot.

It wasn't his. He had gone on for so long thinking that it was his, and it turned out that it wasn't. He didn't know what to do with himself. He looked at _her_, eyes riddled with guilt and shame and he couldn't believe it. It had all been a lie. It was then that Stephanie came crashing down to him. He had left her for this bitch, left something real for a lie.

He raced out of the room, out of the building, his feet aching from standing for so long, his brow sweaty as he ran as far away as possible. He needed her; she needed to know. She would make everything better, she would solve any problem that he had. She would be his savior. She would be the one to save him from this world that he had gotten sucked into, this lie that had reverberated into a catastrophic disaster.

"Chris?" she asked, her face full of surprise to see him standing on her doorstep.

He was a mess. He had run home, packed his things and gotten on the first plane back to Greenwich. Once there he followed the familiar path to her doorway. Where she would take him in, ease his pain, tell him that everything would be all better. And they could be, with her by his side again.

"I needed you," he said simply.

"Needed me for what?" she asked.

"It wasn't mine," he told her, his eyes full of...not sadness, but relief.

She knew immediately what he was talking about, "No?"

"No."

"You're..free?"

He nodded. Her eyes, once filled with a dull pain suddenly turned bright, shining with tears of happiness as she regarded him, standing in her doorway. He had come to her first, no one else, he had come to her. She looked to him with a bit of trepidation, still not believing it could be true and he nodded again.

She launched herself into his arms letting him hug her, caress her hair and spin her around until she felt dizzy with happiness. They fell carelessly to the grass and Chris was reminded of the dreams that had haunted him what seemed so long ago. She kissed him over and over again, kissing his cheeks, his mouth, his forehead. And he just laughed as he looked down on her, feeling happy once again.

"Take me back," he begged as he stared into her face.

"Of course," she said without hesitation.

"Just like that?" he said, wondering why she didn't make him jump through hoops just to get with him.

"Do you need me to write out a writ of forgiveness?" she asked, laughing though she had tears silently falling down her cheeks.

"No, I'll take your word for it," he said grinning.

He flipped over so now she was underneath him. He kissed the tears off her cheeks, and then kissed her tenderly. She ran her hands through his hair and clung to him desperately, missing the feel of him in her arms.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too. Please don't ever be this stupid again."

"I promise."

Happy tears fell from her eyes as she grasped at him, holding him like he would leave her at any moment. She didn't care if people could see them from their front windows. She didn't even care if Paul happened upon them and asked what the hell was going on. She didn't care about anything but her and Chris and their future which was certain now. That was a definite instead of a dream. He relished the sparkling laugh she gave as it started to rain on the both of them.

"I love you Stephanie, more than any one person in the entire world. You are my everything, everything I've ever wanted in my entire life. Marry me?"

"You know I will."

He loved her, and she loved him, and in the end, that was all that mattered. Everything that seemed like an immovable object between them was merely an obstacle, and once they conquered one, the rest seemed pretty easy.

But you know what they say: true love conquers all.

THE END


End file.
